By day a mild-mannered janitor, by night an off-duty mild-mannered janitor.

By day a mild-mannered janitor, by night an off-duty mild-mannered janitor.
................by day a mild-mannered janitor, by night an off-duty mild-mannered janitor...............

Monday 7 November 2011

Girlfriends In A Car Park, I Know, I Know, It's Serious

A little red car enters the car park. Once parked, the passenger door flies open and out fumes the passenger. She spits "S'yalater!" and sprints towards the Thomas Paine Study Centre. The driver *exits door right* with more calm but red faced and breathing deeply. She checks no-one has seen anything [oops] and gathers herself in the same direction. Boy do I want to know what went on. For the sake of argument [not that you are arguing] we'll call the driver Emily Fittipaldi and the passenger, Izzy Pop.

Emily and Izzy are friends and work together. Emily is on flexi-time but Izzy is not, perhaps on a short-term contract/maternity leave do-dah. They meet in the kitchen at work at 8:15 and have a cuppa before work. Yes they are friends, I'm having that. One day Izzy turns up late because her little blue car has conked out - Emily has to pass her house on the way to-and-from work so offers Izzy a lift. In these austere times I know not how many lifts you give someone before the vulgar question of petrol money comes up. First time? A week? I think Izzy would have offered straight away but Emily would refuse as Izzy has had enough crap to deal with for one day/week...
"Anyway, you'll be getting another runabout soon.."
"Ah, there's the thing: I don't think I can afford one - I was going to ask....

So let's say petrol money regular and up-front - both get to work same time, no inconvenience for Emily and a few extra coffers too. Remember, these people are friends. But is sharing a car every day like sharing a bed or mini-moving-in-with someone? I'm guessing it is. I think after a while Izzy asks Emily if she wouldn't mind putting Radio 4 on instead of Hëärt FM, she might wince and make a little gasp as Emily almost jackknifes a cyclist. On the other hand Emily might be a bit too close to Izzy's perfume for her liking or wish she would bloody sit still always fiddling with the seatbelt and the air conditioning and the vanity mirror yes she's soooo vain I never noticed it before but now you mention it... I think it is Emily who falls out of 'love' first. But what to do? Tell Izzy to get a bus pass? Pretend she fancies her to frighten her away? Develop tourettes? No, I think Emily is more devious than that - remember she is on flexi-time, doesn't matter when she starts. Emily starts moving the pick-up time back by tiny increments, almost unnoticeable, until Izzy finds she can't have that relaxing cuppa before work, until she's rushing to make her start time at all...

What I saw was the last straw. Which has a kind of rhythm to it. 'Rhythm' is a funny looking word isn't it? Should it really have two h's in it? Shut up I'm trying to finish. Perhaps they nearly came a cropper with a big old lorry at a roundabout, Emily effed and blinded the rest of the way about men drivers and just as they were passing the creepy guy who looks after the barriers at the University...
"Well, you did indicate to turn off, but went straight on...

Car sharing is obviously a good idea. Saving the planet and all. I bet it's one of the reasons Sting can keep at it for 18 hours solid. I said "solid". I don't think it worked for Emily and Izzy. If I see Izzy getting out of Steve's car tomorrow, I'll let you know. Don't get me started on Steve.

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