'This House' A Late Review

Bong.

Hello; I'm not a theatre critic [hooray] but we went to the theatre last night and there were one or two talking points. We booked on the day and had a choice of returns at £48 or standing at £5 plus 5% charity donation. The show was 'This House' - a satirical, a-little-bit-musical look at the Labour government from 1974 until HER coming to power in '79.

Standing at the theatre reminded me of Upton Park pre-Heysel, perhaps a midweek Milk Cup tie against Leicester City. You have a restricted view but you can move about to get a better angle - important with this production, where every inch of the auditorium [if that's what we can call it.. 37% "yes", 21% "no", 16% "none of the above", 16% "none of the below". So we're running with it...] is used. There are audience members on the stage in two balconies and two 'sides of The House' which are swiveled by cast members to be opposing or as-one depending on the scene. We assume you pay extra-through-the-nose to be up there or there's a ballot with a two-thirds majority deciding whether a bill on further audience members taking part can be ratified in a special motions billWHATEVER THEY'RE ON STAGE SO DEAL WITH IT. As the drama unfurls [98% "yes" on that one *thumbs*] some of the audience joined in, waving imaginary ballot papers, jeering or adding "aye"s to the left and "no"s to the right. This is perhaps the problem with standing: you tend to notice the 'business' more, free as you are to look 90º to the left or right of the speaker without disconcerting your next-seat neighbour. This could also explain why I'm not a theatre critic, because I want to look at that stuff and if I get a gist of the plot too then tiddley pom.

Standing etiquette: You can't pay £5 with a 5% donation to charity to watch a show and have a better seat than those who've weighed-out. Don't sit on the stairs - it's against health & safety and the usher will be angry with you if you do. No ushers were present inside, but rules are rules. Don't lean on the back of the last row of seats; do you like people looking over your shoulder while you're DMing your cousin Marge? No you don't. And people can sense when someone is *just there* behind them, especially if you keep jogging on the spot and moving your plastic bag six inches either way every time the action moves to the other side of the stage. This sixth sense for someone being *just there* is actually made up of the other five senses; so think about that too.

The show was a few minutes old, there was a short opening dance sequence which was worrying, then a late-comer arrived. She mimed "fuck it, I'm late" doing a little stampy dance and shaking her hands to try to get more attention. She then paced about in a circle, desperately hoping someone would notice. We did because we were next to her. She then sat on the stairs. When we told her not to, she did the stampy dance hand shaking thing again and settled down to look at her mobile for the rest of Act1. She didn't return for Act2. Neither did [*spoiler klaxon*] Phil Daniels.

I'm almost forgetting the show: Phil Daniels plays Labour Whip Bob Melish and he's very good indeed; starts the show shouting a bit too loud but settles down to a more normal level quickly enough. The Conservatives are played by posher actors or good actors making it look like they're posher; whichever it is, it works brilliantly - there are lots of cast members, announced every time by The Speaker and if you imagine 'Yes Minister', 'The Thin [rather than Thick] Of It' and a Newsnight tribute to the Labour government from 1974-79 narrated by Jeremy Vine [not Paxman] you've got a fair idea what you're in for. Talking of 'The Thick Of It', Vincent Frankin plays Steve Pemberton playing Michael Cocks, another Labour Whip. I knew Franklin was in it but couldn't work out where because Steve Pemberton seemed to be running about the stage instead although he's not in it.

Back to the initially worrying music: "No! It's not a musical FFS?" Thank heavens no, but it contains some music. A bit like walking past a Snickers® when you've got a nut allergy. Up top, at the back of the stage [which doubles as Westminster Bridge and trebles as the inside of 'Big Ben'] sits a little trio who stand up when they play. Phil Daniels returns in Act2 to sing a Bowie song and he [if you'll excuse the X factorese] nails it. Makes it his own, gives it some welly, nickynackynoo. My only criticism of the band is that when they do 'Pretty Vacant' later, the drummer jazzes it up too much - instead of turning the drumsticks around and pounding away, it's all brrrrrmptitish paradiddle. When you stand up at the theatre you can't help noticing this sort of thing. Also you can dance to the music if you so choose, which we did so there. They even played some tunes after the bows, otherwise we would've been the first ones out, having such prime spots for a hasty exit.

To sum up, if you can afford a seat, go and see 'This House', I gave it 8 out of 10, my partner is still pondering so we go for a hung, Lib-Lab, 7 and a half. If you are undecided then pay a fiver [with a 5% donation to charity] and what have you got to loose? If you like it, get a seat and watch it properly, perhaps from the stage itself.

Bong.