All-Day Drinking: A Study

Beer [exterior]

Ahhh hello, and yes, you are my best friends and I love you all. I've had a drink you see, it has an effect: I asked my mate, "when's the best time of day for drinking?" and he said, "Whaa? ALL the bloody time! LAGER LAGER LAGER!" *shouting* "LAGER LAGER LAGER!" AND SO IT WENT ON sorry, and so it went on. But what if you like a drink but you're on a budget? No-one, and I mean no-one [or I wouldn't have said it] can afford to go to a pub these days - those titweazels on 'Made In Chelsea' don't count, they are made of a chipboard/asbestos/black pudding yeast-like paste that only vaguely resembles people and their drinks are funded by BAFTA anyway. Perhaps you only have an hour a day or an hour a week when you can indulge; perhaps you are holding down a job. Imagine that. Some drink to forget, some drink to remember, if only the two could meet, they might stop drinking and suddenly know EVERYTHING and take 'Mastermind' to the cleaners, or forget the lot and become chefs. Who knows. No honestly, if you know tell the rest of us and give us your name - perhaps the whole question of who 'they' are can be answered once and for all.

It seems that there are some specific windows of drinking opportunity:

1] As soon as you wake up: You are probably an alcoholic, or should perhaps consider it. The 'Hair Of The Dog' my arse.

2] Breakfast Time: I've seen pictures on Facebook of a friend of mine with a plate of home-made chocolate eclairs with a 'Grolsch' bottle opened and "the breakfast of champions" beside it. Looks very tempting - I can't eat savoury things WHILE drinking beer, but fruit and sweet things go down a treat. But breakfast time? Aren't you just a couple of bad bets away from 1]?

3] Lunchtime: Ahh the memories. Before the recession, no not this one, the one before that, I had a job that involved pub lunches and pub meetings. At it's zenith, we would wish each other good morning, go through the 'minutes' of the previous day and while one of us stayed behind to take calls [there was a rota] the rest would get the tables set up outside The Marquis. Or there was the job in the big publishing company where EVERYBODY'S birthday was indicated on a calendar and because there were six floors full of folks, hardly a day went by without the need to celebrate Ken-in-accounts's big bash, although we wouldn't know Ken if he jumped out of our glasses. If the boss asked where we'd been on Beaugolais Nouveau day, we'd say the Arsenal double-winning squad of '71 had come in and you know how Frank McLintock likes a drop....
Trouble is, if you drink at lunchtime it knocks you out for the rest of the day. Unless you carry on drinking.

4] Instead of lunch: See 1]

5] While making dinner: This is my favourite, cook something that takes an hour and you've time for that two-drink buzz and appetite build-up. As soon as the savoury stuff is ready to eat, all thoughts of beer are quashed. If you like the vin de tables, there is of course the danger of 'Floyding' it.

6] Instead of dinner: See 1]

7] Evening time/ while tweeting/ while watching 'Made In Chelsea': Makes you sleepy/ sloppy/ angry in variable measures. Measures! Ahh sodoffyabastid.

Beer [interior]

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