Pashlode Revisited

Mister Haydn, the headmaster, wore a wig. 'The Judge' was his nickname, so obvious a wig it was. It was said that if you caught Mister Haydn going through his 'green cross code', the wig stayed where it was as the right and left looking went on. Mister Haydn was a nice headmaster and all the children liked him, but everyone gave him that second look as he passed and each year a new batch of young'uns would arrive and learn the truth about the head's head.

Mister Sathage, the maths teacher did not wear a wig. Everyone liked Mister Sathage too - he was authoritative without having to resort to shouting or cuffing-around-the-earhole and his classes were always deathly quiet. One day from the back of the room came a sniffing. Mister Sathage heard it but put it down to a head-cold manifesting itself in Johnson, who was always ill with something. Johnson raised his hand.
"Please sir."
"Yes, Johnson"
"Martham's crying sir."
Martham, a tiny studious child of mixed emotions was indeed sniveling quietly to his self.
"What is the matter Martham? Do you want to tell us?"
Martham shook his tiny head.
"I know what it is sir - Mister Haydn overheard Martham telling a new boy about the green cross code thing."
"What 'green cross code thing'?"
Johnson explained. Mister Sathage calmly listened but the brighter children realised he was not enjoying the story. He explained that it was cruel to laugh at someone, especially the headmaster and that a repeating of that joke to any new children was forbidden. No shouting, no cuffed lugholes.
Johnson, who'd been pearing into the middle distance throughout, piped up again:
"But sir, ......Mister Haydn does wear a wig, doesn't he?"
Again Mister Sathage gave a few moments before replying.
"Yes..... he does. It is obvious that Mister Haydn, your headmaster covers his head with a peruke. You all obviously know it and all the teachers know it too, but what you have to consider is why Mister Haydn wears a wig. You may suggest vanity but think again; what if underneath Mister Haydn's hairpiece hides something unsightly?"

"Something unsightly." Mister Sathage chose his words expertly, his own theory on Mister Haydn was that the poor man simply didn't have the right shaped head to accommodate baldness - think Willie Thorne for example - but he wanted to keep the children guessing. And guess they did, finally forming the picture of an un-wigged Mister Haydn looking something like Darth Vader first thing in the morning. The downside to this is that the children now feared Mister Haydn, hardly daring to look him in the eye. Then came the news that Mister Haydn was to retire - his Christmas assembly that year was to be his last duty.

That day began as normal - Jilly MacFarrell was busy seducing Paul Agle in the chemistry lab, Barry Wade had been thrown into the sandpit, picked up, dusted off and thrown back into the sandpit again and Mister Van-Rooyen was locked in his store cupboard by pupils unknown. Only when the absence of a piano player was spotted did Johnson leg it to the music room to free Mister Van-Rooyen, who had been joined in the store cupboard by Mister Timprelti [perhaps another time...]. Carols were sung and 'Ghost Town' by The Specials was played to give everyone an idea of what year everything was going on in. The new children were praised for their progress that term and Mister Haydn thanked the teachers for their support....
"...and finally I must thank everyone of you for helping to make my stay here such a rewarding one. It is now my great pleasure to hand the ceremonial robe of Pashlode Comprehensive to Mister Sathage, who will now be your new headmaster.."
Applause.
Mister Sathage accepts the robe of office.
"And Mister Sathage has one other duty to perform......"
Mister Sathage removes Mister Haydn's wig and waves it in the air. Mister Haydn suits baldness - think Patrick Stewart - the children cheer and rush the stage. Martham gets there first. In the confusion, Barry Wade gets off with Jilly MacFarrell and Misters Van Rooyen and Timprelti lock themselves in the store cupboard.