Thimbles (just thimbles)

Say "thimbles" and what do you think of? Chris Eubank trying to say "cymbals"? The Forth Road Bridge? Well, probably not the latter, but you are now aren't you? If The Forth Road Bridge were made of thimbles it would be no use as a bridge; or as a sewing aid - and that is the point: They matter. Would it be fanciful to imagine our primitive forefathers inventing a simple finger protector before embarking on all that skin-shredding wheel construction? It would -  but our story begins soon after this great leap forward. The menfolk were able to handle rough stone without bleeding all over their mammoth-skin aprons because of the guitar.

The guitar has been around since Dinosaur Senior, and as soon as the monsters of rock discovered steel strings; they discovered blisters too. The solution was the first primitive thimble, or 'plectrum' as it was known at the time. A laughable device, it needed two (count 'em) two fingers to hold; but served hairy-handed axe wielders well for thousands of years. It is here that the clubbed-and-dragged-back-to-the-cave half of the population get involved. Someone had to sew those tour patches on. Someone had to darn those socks. "Darn those socks!" Tough on delicate, feminine badger-strangling fingers; tough on the causes of delicate, feminine badger-strangling fingers: two 'plectrums' sewn together - the 'Thimble' was born.

But you knew that already. What of the thimble now? What place has this ancient device got in this digital age.....hm?....digit*aw, nevermind* ...as I was saying, digital age? The Tailors of Saville Row swear by them: "Look at those fucking thimbles on the sideboard!", they can often be heard saying. Nutjobs, The Tailors; steer clear. And there are the millions of 'Thimble Houses' decorating the nest tables and knick-knack cupboards of the old and confused. Thimble makers themselves have to make themselves thimbles themselves for themselves to make themselves thimbles. And then you have masturbation. You may have a thimble-sized model of The Forth Road Bridge. You may have a Forth Road Bridge-sized thimble. But there is no getting away from the masturbation. The simple fact is that if you are wearing ten thimbles (leather, metal, snakeskin, METAL!?), it feels like someone else is doing it. The fetish thimble market is a writhing and thriving one.

So, we've established that thimbles are useful, cheep to run and attractive (if you like that sort of thing, or that sort of thing). But wait; our story is not complete - there is a disturbing twist to our tale..... what happens at night? Ever left off the lid off the sewing tin off? Three 'offs' don't make an 'on' you know? Out there, in the middle of the living room or pantry? Where the mice can get at it? You idiots? "But Ed," I *hear* you ask, "what possible use can a mouse have for a thimble?". Good question. 'Rodent Skiffle' is the answer. Remember Deryck Guyler (erstwhile 'Corky' in 'Sykes' and washboard player)? Well, our goofy little friends are innovative free-form musicians while we hibernate and that's not all they get up to either. Give a mouse a slab of cheese and he'll nibble it - give a mouse a slab of cheese and a metal thimble and he's got something to grate his cheese with.

Deryck Guyler also had a washboard stomach; but that is another story for another day.

A thimble, yesterday.